


Imprints

by rionaleonhart



Category: Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You
Genre: Gen, Too Much Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-30
Updated: 2012-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:22:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23965321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rionaleonhart/pseuds/rionaleonhart
Summary: It's strange, but somehow he misses Joshua.
Relationships: Kiryu "Joshua" Yoshiya & Sakuraba Neku
Kudos: 11





	Imprints

Beat and Rhyme take off after lunch at Ramen Don, so it’s just Neku and Shiki, hanging back – at Shiki’s insistence – to talk to the ramen guy about his new soup ideas. Not that Neku really minds, because helping the ramen guy generally involves getting to taste-test some pretty good ramen. He should probably learn the guy’s name at some point.

“Come back soon, kids!” the ramen guy calls as they leave. “Bring your other friend too next time, okay?”

It’s as if a shadow passes over Neku’s day. He’s had a good time, he’s eaten a great meal, he’s met up with his friends, but...

“Our other friend?” Shiki wonders aloud, as they step out onto the street.

“He means Joshua,” Neku says quietly. “We helped him out when his business was in trouble.”

“Oh,” Shiki says. “Really? He didn’t seem like the helping-out type.”

“Maybe not,” Neku says, “but he really likes ramen.” For a moment he goes quiet, thinking. It’s kind of an awkward thing to bring up, but... it’s Shiki. She once yanked his pants off and left him standing in his underwear in the middle of the street; it’s hard to worry about making things awkward after something like that. “That’s... kind of the reason I wanted to eat here.”

Shiki looks bewildered. “Because... Joshua likes ramen?”

“I was kind of... I don’t know.” Neku sighs, looking away, into the chattering crowds. “I knew it was never gonna happen, but I was kind of hoping he would show up.”

“Oh, right,” Shiki says, and then, “Wait. Seriously? Joshua?”

“Yeah. It’d be good if all my friends could be here, y’know?”

Shiki doesn’t say anything for a moment, so he glances over at her. She’s giving him a strange look. “He’s your friend?”

“I think so,” Neku says. “Is that weird?”

“Kind of,” Shiki says. “He shot you in the head.”

Neku hesitates.

“Are you wondering which time he shot you I’m talking about?” Shiki asks, tilting her head. He’s still getting used to the way she really looks; it’s strange, seeing all her familiar movements from a completely new person, but not in a bad way. “Because most friendships would be over way before you could ask a question like that.”

“Well, yeah,” Neku says. “Most of the time someone’s dead by then. You know, permanently.”

“Neku,” Shiki says. “That’s so not the only reason.”

“Yeah, I know.” He frowns, tapping out a beat against his wrist. “It doesn’t make much sense to me, either. I just... want to see him again.”

He should try to forget it all, get on with his life, but he can’t. There’s something he can’t let go of but can’t pin down either, something Joshua did...

“He sacrificed himself to save me,” Neku says quietly, knowing as he speaks how ridiculous it is.

“He didn’t sacrifice anything,” Shiki says. She’s beginning to look anxious. “He made you think he’d died; it’s just another way he hurt you. Are you feeling all right?”

He helped me fight Shades, Neku thinks, but of course that was only so Joshua could win his messed-up Game. Everything Joshua did, every single thing over those three weeks was just so he could win against Shades and destroy Shibuya. Neku was only ever a pawn in their fight.

But then Joshua won, and Shibuya is still standing.

That’s it. That’s the thing that was bothering Neku, shifting around at the back of his thoughts. Joshua poured _everything_ into winning the right to destroy Shibuya. Why would he just change his mind?

“I mean, he did bring us back to life, I guess,” Shiki says, inspecting her hand. “I can’t say I’m not grateful. But with everything he put you through... I don’t know, I just didn’t think you’d be getting him birthday presents any time soon.”

“I’m not getting him a birthday present,” Neku says. “I just want to talk to him.”

“Well, that I can understand. I still have some questions myself.” She looks around. “Do you think he’s watching us from the UG?”

Maybe he’s stolen a Player Pin and he’s lurking around, continually imprinting his own name onto Neku’s mind. It’d explain a lot.

“He’s the Composer,” Neku says. “He’s probably got more important things to do. Besides, I won his Game for him; he’s finished with me.”

“Let’s hope so,” Shiki says. “It doesn’t seem like good news when he takes an interest in you.”

-

He sees Rhyme when he’s crossing the Miyashita Park overpass, on his way to WildKat. He’s been visiting Mr H’s café more and more often lately; it’s his last link to a world that he... doesn’t _miss_ , exactly, but doesn’t completely want to leave behind. Sometimes he asks after Joshua, where he is, what he’s doing, but Mr H just laughs. _Confidential, Phones. Can’t tell anyone that, ’specially not you_.

Rhyme is sitting on the wall that borders the overpass, swinging her legs. She waves brightly at him; he raises a hand in return and hauls himself up to sit next to her.

“Hey,” he says, when he’s pretty sure he’s not going to overbalance backwards into the road. “Beat not with you?”

She shakes her head. “I didn’t tell him I was coming. He doesn’t like it when I’m around here.”

Neku supposes that’s understandable. He still hasn’t asked Shiki where she had her accident; passing through the underpass or Udagawa already makes him feel weird and uncomfortable, and he doesn’t need more places that make him think about how he or his friends died.

Rhyme leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees, and looks over at him. “How’ve you been?”

“Still alive,” Neku says, “so better than I used to be, I guess.” He pauses. He’s alive; he’s got friends; he’s finally found the motivation to start looking into creating music, rather than just listening to it; he’s personally acquainted with CAT. “Pretty good, actually. How about you?”

She looks down at her hands. “It’s been good. I just... I don’t know what I want to do with my life.”

It’s something that’s been getting her down since Neku first met her in the UG, and he’s started to wonder about it. Beat said Rhyme always had dreams before she died; were they her entry fee? She didn’t technically win the Game, so does that mean they’re gone forever? But that can’t be right, because then Neku...

“You’ll figure it out,” he says. “You’ve got time. You’re pretty good at Tin Pin Slammer, right?”

She laughs. “Thanks, Neku, but I’m not sure Tin Pin Slammer is my purpose.”

“Well, ask Beat about it; I bet he’ll have some ideas.”

“Beat? Really?”

“He talked about your dreams in the Game. Maybe you just need reminding.”

“Hmm. Maybe.” Rhyme nods and sits up, brushing her hair back behind her ear. “Anyway, I should be helping you; you’ve done more than enough for me. Shiki said you were missing Joshua.”

Neku, who was bringing his hand up to adjust his collar, misses and punches himself in the nose. “She told you that?” he gasps, tears of pain from the impact pricking at his eyes.

“Um... yes,” Rhyme says, looking slightly alarmed. “Are you okay?”

This, Neku decides, is the problem with friends: they _tell_ each other things. “Fine,” he mutters, holding a hand over his nose.

“Well,” Rhyme says, cautiously, “I was wondering... do you want to talk about it?”

Does he want to talk about it?

“I’m okay,” Neku says. “I mean, I can’t explain it, so there’s not much point, is there?”

“You don’t have to explain anything,” Rhyme says, still looking anxiously at him. “I mean, obviously talking about it isn’t going to bring him here, but I just thought talking it through might help you get it clear in your head. A problem shared is a problem halved, you know.”

Neku can’t imagine any of this ever being clear to him. The way he feels about Joshua just doesn’t make sense. He doesn’t see how talking is going to change that.

“I never really met Joshua,” Rhyme says, thoughtfully, “but the way you talk about him sometimes... it must’ve been difficult, finding out what he did when you were so close.”

“Close?” Neku asks, with a half-laugh. “I don’t know if I’d say that. I kind of hated him most of the time.”

Rhyme smiles. “Well, I guess that’s closer than just not caring about him.”

Neku hesitates. “I just... I trusted him,” he says. “And I thought he’d died for me. And it turned out he was behind that whole twisted Game thing.” He rubs a hand through his hair. “Not to mention, you know, the whole shooting me thing.”

“The Reapers’ Game isn’t a bad thing,” Rhyme says. “Not really. At least it means some people get a second chance. It’s better than nothing. So being the Composer doesn’t necessarily make him a bad guy.”

He hadn’t really thought about it like that. “Guess not.”

Rhyme bites her lip. “What he did to you, though...”

“Forget about me: what about what he did to you? You were erased.”

Rhyme shrugs. “Yeah, but that wasn’t his fault. I played the game fair and square; I lost fair and square. The thing he shouldn’t have done was bring me back.” She smiles. “But I’m pretty glad he broke the rules.”

It’s so good to have her here and okay. It’s good to have Shiki and Beat as well, of course, but he never completely gave up on them; he really thought Rhyme was lost forever. Of course, he thought the same about Joshua.

“Yeah,” Neku says, with a quick smile in return, “me too. I just don’t understand _why_.”

They both fall silent for a moment.

“Hey,” Rhyme says, nudging him with her shoulder, “let’s all meet up tomorrow. I think you could use some company.”

Neku thinks about how he would have reacted if someone had told him he ‘could use some company’ before the Game.

“That’d be good,” he says.

-

Neku gets to Hachiko early the next day, and he’s heading for the stationside shops when he sees something that knocks every other thought out of his head. There, leaning casually against Hachiko’s plinth...

Neku’s legs catch like he’s just walked off a ledge he didn’t know was there, and his throat feels dry and his eyes are burning and how can everything change so much in half a second?

“Joshua,” he says, quietly.

Joshua smirks. “Hello, Neku.”

It’s as if the crowds around them have just... faded out. The people are still there, but Neku doesn’t hear them, doesn’t see them; everything has narrowed down to Neku and the boy who shot him.

Neku should hate him. He can’t.

“You’re not here to kill me, are you?” he asks. He’s not sure whether he’s joking.

“ _Neku_ ,” Joshua says, placing a hand over his heart. “I’m shocked that you would think me capable of such a thing.”

“So why are you here?” Neku asks. If he’s changed his mind again about Shibuya...

“You never were one for small talk, were you?” Joshua asks, amused. “Besides visiting old friends? I came to ask you a question.”

Well, _that_ wasn’t what Neku was expecting. He’s got a hell of a lot of questions for Joshua, but Joshua has always been the one who knows things, the one withholding information. What could Joshua want to ask _him_? “Go ahead.”

Joshua pauses, presumably for dramatic effect. It’s completely unnecessary; Neku feels as if every second they spend in the same place is charged with drama.

“Why didn’t you shoot me?” Joshua asks.

Neku blinks. “Huh?”

“I had everything you cared about at my mercy,” Joshua says, “and I’ll admit that I’m not always the most merciful of people. If you had shot me down, you could have become the Composer, preserved Shibuya and restored your friends to life. To be honest, I wasn’t even expecting you to hold out for the full ten seconds. Instead you chose to die on the floor, abandoning your home to destruction and your friends to an unknown fate. Even a mouse will fight back in a corner, and you’re no mouse, although I believe we’ve established that you may be a rat. But you didn’t shoot me. You didn’t even try. Why not?”

It’s a question Neku has asked himself more than once, and he’s never managed to come up with an answer that could be put into words. He tries to bring himself back to that moment, to put himself back in that room with the gun in his shaking hand, even though just thinking about it makes him feel sick.

“I just... I can’t explain it,” he says. The lump in his throat seems to tighten as he speaks, but he forces himself not to cry; he can’t lose it in front of Joshua again. “You probably don’t get it, but... you were still the kid who sacrificed himself for me, even though I could see you right there in front of me. And we were partners, and... I couldn’t do it. The way we feel about people doesn’t just go away when we find out it’s based on lies.”

Joshua laughs. “Why, Neku, I’d no idea you were such an expert on interpersonal psychology. I enjoyed our little philosophical discussions; I’ll be sorry if you’ve decided we _can_ understand other people after all.”

“I don’t even understand myself,” Neku mutters. Sometimes he feels like he’s back in the first week, missing his memories, when everything was new and confusing. He’s got his memories back now, but a lot of things are still a very long way from making sense to him.

His memories. His entry fee.

Neku tries to prepare himself. He’s not sure he wants to hear the answer – what if there’s a huge hole in his life somewhere and he just hasn’t realised it yet? – but he has to ask. “Okay, now I have a question for you.”

“Fire away,” Joshua says, “although given your record I’m not altogether sure you can pull the trigger.”

Neku takes a deep breath. “What was my entry fee?”

Joshua tilts his head, considering him. “That’s a question with a number of different answers,” he says eventually.

“For the duel, I mean. You said before we played that you’d collected my fee. And I lost, so I guess I’m not getting it back, right? But, I don’t know, I haven’t...”

“You haven’t noticed the loss?” Joshua asks, widening his eyes. “Neku, I’m hurt.”

Neku frowns. “Hang on, what—?”

“It’s a little embarrassing,” Joshua says, “but I made a... miscalculation, let’s say, with your entry fee. It happens on occasion: we fail to recognise what a person truly values until after they enter the Game. Generally, if they haven’t yet noticed what’s missing, we’ll make a quick substitution, and no harm done.”

“You’re taking away the most important things in people’s lives,” Neku says. “I’m not sure I’d call that ‘no harm’.”

“In your case, I naturally assumed that what you valued most would be your newfound friendships. I initially took Shiki and Bito, which was why you might have noticed they weren’t around during our duel, had you not been somewhat... preoccupied.”

Neku feels ill. Shiki and Beat were going to be his fee? So he almost lost both of them forever. What the hell did Joshua decide to replace them with?

“But then, when you failed to shoot, I realised I’d been mistaken,” Joshua says. “As I’ve said, shooting me was the only way you could save everything you cared about: your life, your home, your friends. But you chose to spare me instead. You put my existence ahead of all of those things. So I was forced to conclude that the thing you valued most was... me.”

“ _What?_ ” Neku asks, startled. “No! I mean – no, that’s impossible, I—”

And then realisation suddenly dawns.

“You didn’t want me to be alone,” he says. “You made that reasoning up so you’d have an excuse to let Beat and Shiki go.”

Joshua laughs. “Believe whatever you want,” he says. “I prefer my explanation, personally; it’s much more romantic, don’t you think?”

Joshua’s the Composer; he’s busy on another level of reality; he was never going to be in Neku’s life much. He could only have switched himself in as Neku’s fee to make sure Neku would lose less for his failure. But why would he do something like that after all the torment he put Neku through? Nothing about this kid makes any sense.

“Don’t pretend you don’t care about anything,” Neku says. “After everything you did, why bring us back? Why didn’t you destroy Shibuya?” He hesitates. “Was it because of me?”

“Of course I’d love to stay and answer your questions,” Joshua says, waving a hand, “but I shouldn’t really be here, should I? I’m your entry fee. You _lost_ me, Neku.”

“You’re here now,” Neku points out. “If we’re already breaking the rules, we can break them a little longer.”

Joshua shrugs. “Destroying Shibuya was too much effort, I suppose.”

“You put a hell of a lot of effort into that Game.”

“So persistent, Neku,” Joshua says, mock-admiringly. He falls silent for a moment before speaking again, most of the lightness gone from his voice. “That friend of mine. Mr H, the designer you’re so fond of. He betrayed me, do you realise that? He was working against me during that Game.”

“Mr H?” Neku asks, surprised, and then his entire body suddenly goes cold. “Wait, you didn’t—”

“What, you’re worried I might have harmed him?” Joshua asks. “You wouldn’t shoot me even after all I’d done to you; I felt I could spread a little of that goodwill around. He put Shibuya’s existence ahead of my goals. I can’t blame him for that, even if we are old friends.” He pauses, with a small smile. “Which is just as well, because he’s not exactly easy to harm.”

“So Mr H’s okay?”

“Mr H is fine,” Joshua says. “The point, Neku, is that even my closest associates valued Shibuya above its handsome Composer. Had anyone else held your gun during our little showdown, friend or foe, I would have had a bullet in my head before I’d finished saying ‘ten’.”

“But I didn’t shoot,” Neku says. “So that’s why you let Shibuya stay?”

“You could argue I’d already started having second thoughts,” Joshua says, his smile becoming more enigmatic and more irritating. “I’d already won my Game with Megumi; why propose the duel for Shibuya’s future?”

“To screw with me?” Neku suggests.

“Always an appealing prospect,” Joshua says, with a laugh. “It’s certainly possible.”

“Are you actually allergic to straight answers or something?” Neku asks. “Are you saying you won’t tell me why you changed your mind or are you saying you don’t know?”

Joshua says nothing, still smiling.

Neku folds his arms. “You know, right now I could shoot you even if it had nothing to do with saving Shibuya.”

“I’d love to find out whether you mean that,” Joshua says. “Sadly, I didn’t bring a gun.” He pauses. “I had my reasons. You... may or may not have been one of them. But it’s certainly gratifying to know there’s at least one person in the world who would let the opportunity to end me pass them by.”

Neku supposes he’ll have to be satisfied with that. “So Shibuya really is safe, then?”

“For now,” Joshua says. “If I change my mind again, I suppose I’ll bring you back to the UG and let you play for it.”

Oh, crap. Hasn’t he killed him enough?

“Don’t bring me back to the UG,” Neku says, quickly.

Joshua makes a face. “Spoilsport. We had fun, didn’t we?”

Neku stares at him.

“No? What a shame. There’s always a place in the Game for you, in any case.”

“Good to know. I hope I’m not gonna have to take it for a _really_ long time.”

Joshua smirks and stretches. “Well, this has been delightful, Neku,” he says, “but I should return before my absence is noted.”

“Wait!” Neku exclaims, startling himself. Maybe Joshua was onto something when he made himself Neku’s entry fee; he’s infuriating, but for some reason Neku really doesn’t want him to leave. “My friends’ll be here any minute; why don’t you stay here for a while and hang out with us?”

Joshua raises his eyebrows. “Are you sure they’d be happy with that? Some of your friends have said rather unkind things about me.”

Neku frowns. “Have you been listening in on our conversations?” he asks. “Because that’s kind of creepy.”

Joshua just laughs.

“Anyway,” Neku says, “you should stay. I’m sure Shiki and Rhyme’ll be okay with you if you just apologise. Can’t make any promises about Beat, though.”

A strange expression flits across Joshua’s face; for a moment, he actually looks conflicted.

“I can’t,” he says. “I was your entry fee; it won’t be easy to keep control over the UG if anyone finds out I’ve been bending the rules.” He hesitates. “But thank you, Neku.”

It’s probably the first sincere-sounding thing Neku has ever heard him say, and Neku is so surprised by it that for a moment he can’t speak. Joshua gives him an oddly sad smile and disappears.

Everything rushes back, the sounds, the smells, the people, and Neku is alone in the crowd by Hachiko.

“Joshua!” he shouts, the moment his throat feels like it’s working again. “Joshua!”

“Uh. Neku?”

Neku turns around, and there they are: Shiki, Beat, Rhyme. He’s glad to see them, even if they’re going to think he’s crazy after finding him yelling Joshua’s name at a statue of a dog, but he’s intensely aware that Joshua isn’t with them. And Joshua was his entry fee for a game he couldn’t have won, so Neku supposes he never will be.

“You okay?” Shiki asks.

Still. Joshua bent the rules once. Maybe he’ll see him again.

“Actually,” Neku says, “yeah. I think I am.”


End file.
